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Genealogy is the study of family history and lineage. It involves gathering information about your ancestors and their life stories. It’s an exciting and fulfilling journey that can uncover hidden family secrets and mysteries. And family historians aspire to capture and preserve these discoveries in written form to pass the stories on to the present and future generations.
But what happens when you want to add DNA results to your genealogy story? Adding DNA discoveries to written family stories can be daunting, especially when dealing with the ethical dilemma of revealing certain family secrets.
Today, we’ll discuss how to add DNA results to your genealogy story while navigating this sensitive issue.
Ethical Dilemma of DNA
The first question you must ask yourself is how and when to add DNA results to your genealogy story.
The answer to how and when to add DNA results to your story may consider the following ethical principles as recommended by other genealogists:
"Do no harm."
"Be kind."
"Do not shame."
As mentioned in a previous webinar about writing ethically, it’s impossible to do no harm and still tell the truth. And, by not telling the truth, we might be doing harm.
Therefore, let’s use the following principles:
Be objective.
Be accurate.
Insert the discovery where it makes sense.
The third principle will be our focus today. When and how to insert DNA discoveries into a story so that it makes sense.
Add DNA Discoveries to Family Stories That Extend Family Lines Without Upset
The easiest situation involves DNA results that are sought after and not necessarily upsetting.
For example, if you have been trying to locate a missing ancestor and DNA results confirm their identity, adding this information to your family tree is a good idea.
Treat the discovery with DNA evidence as another source if this ancestor extends the family line.
For instance, I validated the identity of William James Townsend’s siblings using DNA. As I write William’s story as a child and a young adult living near these siblings, I would write as if I had city directories, census records, church records, and so forth to tell their collective story.
Since the relationships are unclear via those records, I could add a DNA source citation when mentioning their relationship. Then, I could add a section in the Appendix explaining how I confirmed the family's relationships using DNA test results and triangulation.
Does that make sense?
Let me know if you need more clarification.
DNA Discovery That Adds Biological Parents of an Ancestor Without Upset
Another relatively easy situation involves adding unknown biological parents to an ancestor’s story that doesn’t necessarily upset the family.
For instance, my grandmother was adopted as a baby. She knew about her adoption from the age of six. After her death, my husband figured out the identity of her biological father using DNA triangulation.
In short, discovering Delbert Hankinson was the biological father of Marie Anderson did not upset our family but rather was exciting.
However, when do I include the identity of Delbert in Grannie’s story?
Where does that make sense?
I recommend keeping his identity unknown throughout the lifetime of Grannie’s story.
For instance, I would indicate in her story that Grannie was born Marie Anderson to Agnes Anderson, who died without disclosing the identity of Marie’s father. Since Agnes died the day after Marie’s birth, Harry and Lura Long adopted Marie, and her name became forever after Louise Long.
Then I would continue Louise’s story without mentioning her biological father. In an epilogue or appendix section, I could then discuss the discovery of Delbert Hankinson as her father. But notice I’m not changing the story of what Louise knew during her lifetime.
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DNA Discoveries for Adoptees
If you write about an adoptee discovering their parentage through DNA testing, you must approach the situation with compassion and empathy. Additionally, work with the adoptee to tell their story. I suggest you keep their account private until they’re ready to release it.
If the adoptee is living, share your story draft with them and let them decide when and in what format you may release the stories to others.
If the adoptee is recently deceased and the revelation is shocking to living relatives, share the story with those most affected by the news. Work together to decide when the information can be more widely released.
While you write the story and await permission to share, how do you tell the adoptee’s life story?
My recommendations change depending on what the adoptee knew and when they knew it.
Write about those factors.
If a child knew about their adoption from their earliest memory, you could write about it earlier in their life story. Then you can follow their story from the time they sought after their parentage. Follow their story on the quest for discovery and the final results.
If a person did not know about their adoption until later in their life, write their life story as if the parents they thought were their biological parents were, in fact, biological.
When they discover their adoption, the plot changes from that point in the story to the search for their biological parents. Notice how the story follows the knowledge of the adoptee through their life rather than inserts facts before they were ‘entered into evidence.’
Unexpected DNA Discoveries for the Living
The most delicate story to write is that of a living person who discovers an unexpected parental change. Their DNA results revealed an upsetting family secret, so it's essential to approach this situation sensitively.
Before I share specific writing tips, let’s discuss the mindset.
Firstly, you must respect the shocked person’s wishes and allow them to process the information at their own pace. They may need time to come to terms with the news, so don't pressure them into sharing their results.
Next, tell their story as they knew it, similar to an adoptee who didn’t know about their adoption until later in life.
Unless the living person prefers this opener, avoid telling their birth story in this fashion:
'My birth parents were Robert Doe and Penny Joe, but I wouldn't know that until many years later."
Instead, tell their birth story as it happened to their knowledge, with their adoptive parents as the presumed biological parents. Then, similar to the adoptee’s story, change the parents in the story when they make the discovery. Here’s an example.
"I was born 2 years after Robert and Helen Noe were married…”
“At the age of 56, I discovered that my father, Robert, was not my biological father. I was shocked, hurt, ...."
If that is too traumatic for a living person, write their life story without mentioning their adoptive parents. When you conclude their story, you can add an appendix section that discusses their unexpected biological parentage discovery.
You do not have to publish this section until after the subject of the story’s death or whenever they want that section added to the story.
Again, the person experiencing the shocking discovery will guide the correct writing approach.
Unexpected DNA Discoveries for the Deceased
Sometimes you uncover an unexpected secret about an ancestor using DNA evidence. You may discover that a mother, grandfather, or great-uncle had a child that their descendants and extended family did not know about.
How do you write that story?
Well, it depends on whether the relative may have known about the birth of a child. Women will know they gave birth to children, but men don’t always learn these details.
If you're writing about the mother who hid a secret about their child’s birth, proceed in the following way.
"Francis Fran gave birth to Johnny John on 16 May 1924. While Johnny's birth record says his father is Marky Mark, Francis held a secret about Johnny's biological father no one would know until long after her death."
Then tell the story of Johnny being Marky Mark's son. Finish Francis Fran's life story as she wanted it shared. The epilogue reveals the discovery Johnny John learned about his biological father.
Now, if Francis Fran gave birth to a child and gave it up for adoption but never told the family about it, what do you do then?
It would be beneficial to mention her experience and choices when they happened within the chronology of her story. If she never met her secret child, include that child’s identity in the epilogue or appendix. If she did meet the child later in life, incorporate those events when they happened.
If Francis Fran gave birth to a secret child and someone informed her it had died, rather than placed for adoption, follow the same procedures as I mentioned for Fran placing a child for adoption.
What about the men?
If a man had an illegitimate child while married to another woman, you could mention his infidelity when it happened. However, you can't necessarily write the illegitimate child into his overall story if the man didn't interact with said kid throughout his life. However, include the child’s identity either when the man discovered it or in the epilogue or appendix of his life story.
If an unmarried man had intimate relations with an unmarried woman, but they parted ways, and then she gave birth to that child without informing him, how do you handle that situation?
You could mention his oat-sowing ways at that time of his life.
Make a judgment about whether you want to tease that those ways had hidden consequences. If he does learn that he has a child during his lifetime, then I would tease the consequences. If he didn’t know, include the child’s identity in the epilogue or appendix of his life story.
I can not cover all the possible scenarios, but is this making sense?
I recommend telling a person’s life story as it unfolded and including biological realities as the individual knew them. If persons creating or impacted those realities never knew, insert the act of creation when it happens but save the results of those acts in a section separate from the person’s life story.
If you have further insights or questions, share them in the comments below.
When to Publish DNA Discoveries
As a reminder, my ethics webinar is available on the Write Your Family History YouTube Channel. It provides several options for including DNA in your family stories.
I hope you’ll notice the recommendation to write reality as it happened for your relatives and ancestors. Avoid writing facts about their relationships that they (or their family members) did not know until later in their life or not at all.
With that in mind, let’s discuss when to publish your DNA discoveries.
Document reality, but you're being mindful of family relationships that you want to preserve.
You do not have to publish books about living individuals or the recently deceased for public consumption. If you write a story with shocking or painful DNA discoveries, guard them closely until the persons involved are ready to share the stories.
Make plans for your stories to find a home for access by relatives after you die. Again, document reality but make your discoveries accessible for those who want them later. When you’ve passed away, they can’t yell at you for telling the hard truths.
With careful consideration and sensitivity, DNA testing can enhance your genealogy story and bring you closer to discovering the truth about your family history.